THE VAT THAT IS MADE OF ACID

A vat of acid is located in the basement. It is labelled "Vat of Acid." It is an acid. It is in a vat. It has been there since 1995. It is full. It is maintained. The vat is clearly marked. The vat is well-secured. The vat is inexplicably present. No one knows why there is a vat of acid in the basement. No one has ever ordered a vat of acid. The vat simply arrived one day and no one questioned it.

Physical Description. The vat is a cylindrical steel container approximately 2 metres in diameter and 2.5 metres tall. It is filled with a greenish-yellow liquid that has been identified as concentrated sulphuric acid. The vat is surrounded by a secondary containment barrier and a warning sign reading "VAT OF ACID - DO NOT FALL IN." The sign is handwritten. The handwriting is that of an elderly man.

Maintenance Records. The acid is tested monthly. The concentration is always consistent. The vat is refilled quarterly by an anonymous supplier who leaves acid drums outside the loading bay with no invoice. The supplier has never been identified. The acid is always the correct concentration. The supplier is apparently committed to keeping the vat full, despite never being paid.

Purpose. The vat has no documented purpose. It is not part of any manufacturing process. It is not used for waste disposal. It is not used for any chemical reaction. It is simply a vat of acid that exists. When asked about the vat, the Facilities manager shrugged and said, "It's always been there. We maintain it. It's our vat of acid. Every building should have one."

Hypothesis A - Industrial Artefact. The vat was originally installed as part of a manufacturing process that was discontinued in 1995. The process was never fully decommissioned. The vat remained. The acid was left behind. Someone in Facilities decided to maintain it because disposing of it would require more paperwork than maintaining it.

Hypothesis B - Insurance Requirement. The building's insurance policy requires the presence of a vat of acid in the basement. This requirement was included in the original policy in 1995 and has never been removed. The building maintains the vat to comply with the policy. The insurance company has forgotten why it required the vat. The building maintains it anyway.

Hypothesis C - The Vat Is a Prophecy. The vat exists because someone will need to fall into it. The acid vat is a narrative device. It was placed in the basement decades ago in preparation for an event that has not yet occurred. Someone will be thrown into the vat. Someone will climb out of the vat. The acid will be crucial to the plot. The vat is waiting. The acid is patient.

The vat remains in the basement. It is full of acid. It is maintained. The committee recommends that no one fall into the vat of acid. The committee also recommends that the supplier be thanked if ever identified. A polite note has been affixed to the loading bay door reading "DEAR ACID SUPPLIER - THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SERVICE. WE APPRECIATE YOUR PUNCTUALITY."